Handing out orange Bibles

As my mom was driving us out of school, we saw this man on the street handing out orange Bibles to kids again. AGAIN. What, do they think they can change someone's life by handing out a bright book of God? I'm not messing with religion, but let's just be honest. If they don't care right now, don't push it. If someone does not want to be a God-fearing person, there is no need to prod him/her. It will only piss that kid off. Seriously. Who reads those? Probably just give it to her mom or something, or put it under her bed.

Well, this world is not all woopty-do. That's what sucks. That's what fucks a lot of people up. When they realize how un-Disney it is. This usually happens about the time they learn that we actually could have been monkeys instead of ribs of Eve. Sad to watch a kid learn this. He lets go of all the faith that was pushed upon him since birth and nods it aside for a while. However, I have noticed, that old people are very religious. Religious out of nowhere. Probably because they know it will be time soon. If you think about all this, its sad.

So how does all this relate to that dude handing out the Bibles? NO IDEA. When I think of religion in general, I really don't think of hope. I think of those times that I pray and then God does not come through. Family still gets sick. People still die. Divorces. I think perhaps, that maybe they're just reproaches, and I try not to think about the alternative...Fact is, I've prayed almost every night since third grade (I missed a few). I am God-fearing. I know pretty much what goes on in church. I try to pay attention to the liturgy of the word. I would go to church alone just to repent. I desperately need confession. I would like God to smile down on everyone I love. But I don't display all this. When I don't mean to, I blurt out all of those things in the back of my head..."No, He doesn't."...No. He doesn't, does He? And then, when I pray at night I pray hard for forgiveness. And I pray still for people in my family to get better. So that my little cousin will not have to live without his mom. Because he is only four. I pray that my mom will get that job instead of having to feed the mentally challenged to supply us with all of the "necessities." I pray that those treatments will work. I pray that the lump is not cancerous. I pray that we will all live happy, long lives. That we find happiness. And love. And we become good people. Its true. I include everyone I love. But I am a sinner. And these hopes do not get answered or granted. So sometimes, its hard.

Now that I've succeeded in making myself a little sad from being pretty happy, I will now change the subject. MY NEW FAVORITE SHOW: Third Watch. MY NEW FAVORITE WORD: lush. MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE: The Good Girl. MY NEW FAVORITE WAY TO SAY "GOODBYE": don't have one. Bye.