Sing a fucking song, you fucker
Sorry, something is very wrong with my mood right now. My throat feels like shit (and I know why), my hair looks like shit (and I know why ::ahem::Christine::ahem::), that movie I rented kinda sucked, and I want to get in a bar fight and get myself arrested. hahaha. Hey, you know what? Sing a fucking song, you fucker. Sorry, just feel like saying that, but since I cannot say something without my throat in pain, I will type it.. ::sigh:: just ain't the same...
So...Thanksgiving break...no, not really...I think it sucked. I didn't do my homework...Fuck. Sing a fucking song. Asshole! haha, gotcha! you thought I was going to say "fucker" didn't you? Haha, pull your boxers over your head sucka. Hope you didn't put any gel on your goddamn spikes or however your hair is styled today, because now its ruined like mine wah wah. ARgh! Frizz Ease my ass! Doesn't work on shit. Seriously, if there was a hairy piece of shit out there with curls and you got a bright idea to Frizz Ease that bitch...IT WOULDN'T FUCKING WORK! Anger. Management. Needed. Damnit. Because this shit is making me breakout. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFuuUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK DAMNIT> Rascist. Fascist. Idiot. Retard. argh monkey! damn i need to knead haha or punch someone in the phace. hahaha face! f! not ph! i'm philipino? or is it pilipino? or is it filipino? Or am I Ameri-fucking-can. Damnit. Fuck you, sing a fucking song. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. duck. asshole. shit. like. no. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm a pirate! i'm a fucking pi-fuck-rate. hahahahhahaha
Friday, November 29, 2002
Funny
I just got the funniest idea for a picture. I say I go and dress up in a flannel shirt, tuck it in a pair of dockers or something, wear my glasses, get my guitar, gather the kids under five-years-old, and pose like I'm singing them a folk song! Rad! Watch, you will see this next week or so! In the meantime, Happy Hangover day (if you're legal)!
Reasons "Rad" is rad:
1. No one says rad but me since I came back from Andover because...
2. There was that time in Ethics that we were talking about words that needed to come back and Ben was like, "You know what word needs to come back?" I knew it, "Rad!" We said it in unison, along with Megan. Hopefully Megan and Ben are keepin it real over there on the east coast and I know I'm reppin on the West, resurrecting this bitch. Rad is the word of all fuckin words.
3. And...yeah! It just rocks the casbah!
I just got the funniest idea for a picture. I say I go and dress up in a flannel shirt, tuck it in a pair of dockers or something, wear my glasses, get my guitar, gather the kids under five-years-old, and pose like I'm singing them a folk song! Rad! Watch, you will see this next week or so! In the meantime, Happy Hangover day (if you're legal)!
Reasons "Rad" is rad:
1. No one says rad but me since I came back from Andover because...
2. There was that time in Ethics that we were talking about words that needed to come back and Ben was like, "You know what word needs to come back?" I knew it, "Rad!" We said it in unison, along with Megan. Hopefully Megan and Ben are keepin it real over there on the east coast and I know I'm reppin on the West, resurrecting this bitch. Rad is the word of all fuckin words.
3. And...yeah! It just rocks the casbah!
Adventures of the Retail Kind
Today we went to the Navy Exchange located in Moffet Field. I woke up at 8 something on a morning I didn't have school and left the house within a half an hour of that time. I felt like shit. I looked like shit. I ate this shit cereal for breakfast. Anyway...yeah...that's how it was.
When we got to there, it was a game: who could find a cart first, gets the cart. People were real pricks about it. We asked nicely, I swear, but they were really stick-up-the-assers. So it took us a real long time to find a cart. I also saw Maureen (hey! =)) there. That was cool. But then,...I looked lke shit. Ooh well. So I purchased the Queens of the Stone Age CD, and it kinda scares me. Some of the songs are scary. I'm afraid to sleep to it...Anyway, keeping with the adventure here...so here we were and after all those purchases, the van was not quite as loaded, so we went to another store. I spent time with my little cousin in the fitness section. It was funny, we were trying out all the equipment, and I have come to the conclusion that I must workout and stop eating so much because my thighs are getting LARGE, no kidding. So when we left that store, the van was pretty packed. We all had to squish. However, it did not stop there since we went to the commisary. We all said we wouldn't buy anything, but we did. So, on the way back home, I had my head rested on a tin can full of popcorn, squished next to my cousin, whose head I could not see behind the big plastic bag that she carried on her lap.
We were hungry by then so we decided to go to Jack. It was my sister, my little cousin, and I. Walking there, we saw this bum sitting on a couch left there for Goodwill to pick up. Anyway, he looked scary, so we tried to walk fast. The two scared little girls I was with started the nervous giggling and fast steps and screaming. Omg I wanted to smack each of them in the face twice. Mr. Bum sat up from his couch just to look at us. I'm sure he found it amusing: two potential rape victims and me, the hostile companion. Yeah, bitch, don't fuck with me. Yeah that was it.
For dinner I had a hot pocket and tater-tots =)
Today we went to the Navy Exchange located in Moffet Field. I woke up at 8 something on a morning I didn't have school and left the house within a half an hour of that time. I felt like shit. I looked like shit. I ate this shit cereal for breakfast. Anyway...yeah...that's how it was.
When we got to there, it was a game: who could find a cart first, gets the cart. People were real pricks about it. We asked nicely, I swear, but they were really stick-up-the-assers. So it took us a real long time to find a cart. I also saw Maureen (hey! =)) there. That was cool. But then,...I looked lke shit. Ooh well. So I purchased the Queens of the Stone Age CD, and it kinda scares me. Some of the songs are scary. I'm afraid to sleep to it...Anyway, keeping with the adventure here...so here we were and after all those purchases, the van was not quite as loaded, so we went to another store. I spent time with my little cousin in the fitness section. It was funny, we were trying out all the equipment, and I have come to the conclusion that I must workout and stop eating so much because my thighs are getting LARGE, no kidding. So when we left that store, the van was pretty packed. We all had to squish. However, it did not stop there since we went to the commisary. We all said we wouldn't buy anything, but we did. So, on the way back home, I had my head rested on a tin can full of popcorn, squished next to my cousin, whose head I could not see behind the big plastic bag that she carried on her lap.
We were hungry by then so we decided to go to Jack. It was my sister, my little cousin, and I. Walking there, we saw this bum sitting on a couch left there for Goodwill to pick up. Anyway, he looked scary, so we tried to walk fast. The two scared little girls I was with started the nervous giggling and fast steps and screaming. Omg I wanted to smack each of them in the face twice. Mr. Bum sat up from his couch just to look at us. I'm sure he found it amusing: two potential rape victims and me, the hostile companion. Yeah, bitch, don't fuck with me. Yeah that was it.
For dinner I had a hot pocket and tater-tots =)
I feel good
I have been downloading much synth bands lately. Much of them that I got from listening to late-night indie/rock/punk/garage radio. Its rad. I'm bouncing to them right now. If I could sing, I'd be singing. If it weren't 12:22 AM...yeah. But yeah, I hate Kazaa. Not because its slow. Or that its stupid. But because it doesn't have my song! Injustice, I claim! Injustice! Why? Why, Kazaa? What did I do? I've never offended you, you bastard! I hate you! Between my sobs, I scream. You suck! Its the coolest song too..."So Sexual"...someone find a song title cooler than that. Well..."Get Myself Arrested" comes pretty close...but! ARgh....I need more indie/rock/punk/garage music. I'll be in my room, crying. Damn Kazaa.
I have been downloading much synth bands lately. Much of them that I got from listening to late-night indie/rock/punk/garage radio. Its rad. I'm bouncing to them right now. If I could sing, I'd be singing. If it weren't 12:22 AM...yeah. But yeah, I hate Kazaa. Not because its slow. Or that its stupid. But because it doesn't have my song! Injustice, I claim! Injustice! Why? Why, Kazaa? What did I do? I've never offended you, you bastard! I hate you! Between my sobs, I scream. You suck! Its the coolest song too..."So Sexual"...someone find a song title cooler than that. Well..."Get Myself Arrested" comes pretty close...but! ARgh....I need more indie/rock/punk/garage music. I'll be in my room, crying. Damn Kazaa.
Thursday, November 28, 2002
Because I live for lists
What kind of Thanksgiving would it be if I didn't blog? A shitty one, that's the answer. So first and foremost: Happy Thanksgiving 2002. What a year. What a lifetime. Many more years to go, folks. So here is what brings a smile to my face:
1. Not living in the ghetto or the sticks. I would've killed myself when I was three...speaking of that...
2. Everyone who ever made me laugh or smile, because that helped, it really did.
3. My homies, gotta give shout-outs: of course, my negro brother, Mickey; the people that adopted me as a friend: Maureen, Noemi, Alex, Jackie, Lycky, Ellen Mae, Sara, Christian. The part of the old yearbook staff: Mary...and Mickey haha you appear twice. Fred, my super-hero partner. My family and all our misadventures. And everyone else in my life, because I know I don't make enemies.
4. The friends I made during the summer. This summer was great and I'll never forget about it. You know who you are, and I hope you're reading this. I hope we keep in touch, because I know that I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that you're somewhere out there. I want to know you.
5. Indiana Jones.
6. Tom Welling.
7. God, for making Tom Welling.
8. Oh yeah...how could I forget my man, Vince. Vince Carter, baby. That's sexy shit.
9. I forgot, about summer. Only one person sent me a letter: Tyrone. And he sent a picture too from his birthday party. That was very cool.
10. Not being dead right now. That's nice.
let's skip down to the most important one shall we?
Making this blog. I eat, breathe, and sleep this blog. I write in here more than my regular journal. Some of these days have been the most difficult of my life, and I'm thankful that I had somewhere to be. My head would have exploded or something. Even the days when I only wanted to write stories. I never showed anyone my stories before. As a matter of fact, I have lots more.
P.S. My fro. Gotta love it.
What kind of Thanksgiving would it be if I didn't blog? A shitty one, that's the answer. So first and foremost: Happy Thanksgiving 2002. What a year. What a lifetime. Many more years to go, folks. So here is what brings a smile to my face:
1. Not living in the ghetto or the sticks. I would've killed myself when I was three...speaking of that...
2. Everyone who ever made me laugh or smile, because that helped, it really did.
3. My homies, gotta give shout-outs: of course, my negro brother, Mickey; the people that adopted me as a friend: Maureen, Noemi, Alex, Jackie, Lycky, Ellen Mae, Sara, Christian. The part of the old yearbook staff: Mary...and Mickey haha you appear twice. Fred, my super-hero partner. My family and all our misadventures. And everyone else in my life, because I know I don't make enemies.
4. The friends I made during the summer. This summer was great and I'll never forget about it. You know who you are, and I hope you're reading this. I hope we keep in touch, because I know that I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that you're somewhere out there. I want to know you.
5. Indiana Jones.
6. Tom Welling.
7. God, for making Tom Welling.
8. Oh yeah...how could I forget my man, Vince. Vince Carter, baby. That's sexy shit.
9. I forgot, about summer. Only one person sent me a letter: Tyrone. And he sent a picture too from his birthday party. That was very cool.
10. Not being dead right now. That's nice.
let's skip down to the most important one shall we?
Making this blog. I eat, breathe, and sleep this blog. I write in here more than my regular journal. Some of these days have been the most difficult of my life, and I'm thankful that I had somewhere to be. My head would have exploded or something. Even the days when I only wanted to write stories. I never showed anyone my stories before. As a matter of fact, I have lots more.
P.S. My fro. Gotta love it.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Indiana Jones!
There are two Indiana Jones movies on! Omg, i'm in heaven!
As a kid, I loved that series. I even loved the series with Sean Patrick Flannery as the young Indie. I used to tape it when it used to come on and sit on the carpet in front of the tv, bundled in my blanket. My dad, I think, was annoyed because I kept forgetting to stop recording.
Some things to know about me and my boy, Indie:
1. Harrison Ford was my first crush. I was a Harrison Ford slut. He was too cool for school, with that hat and whip, and how he always left the first three or four buttons on his shirt unbuttoned. I still find that sexy.
2. I bought one of those Indiana Jones tapes when they were selling them at McDonald's back in the day. Actually, my dad did. I was only four or something. We got Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but that wasn't my favorite...
3. My favorite was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I don't know why, I think the fact that it had something to do with Jesus Christ interested me. Weird huh? Totally.
4. I only saw Raiders of the Lost Ark recently, like a year ago. I really like it.
5. Indiana Jones rocks the casbah over James Bond any day.
6. Isn't that a rad name? Indiana Jones? I'd be Wisconsin Emery. hahaha. Ew.
7. I am missing the movies at this moment.
8. I am hyperventilating.
9. I must go to watch them now.
10. Watch them because Indie is sexiness embodied.
This is worth reading, well, if you were me.
There are two Indiana Jones movies on! Omg, i'm in heaven!
As a kid, I loved that series. I even loved the series with Sean Patrick Flannery as the young Indie. I used to tape it when it used to come on and sit on the carpet in front of the tv, bundled in my blanket. My dad, I think, was annoyed because I kept forgetting to stop recording.
Some things to know about me and my boy, Indie:
1. Harrison Ford was my first crush. I was a Harrison Ford slut. He was too cool for school, with that hat and whip, and how he always left the first three or four buttons on his shirt unbuttoned. I still find that sexy.
2. I bought one of those Indiana Jones tapes when they were selling them at McDonald's back in the day. Actually, my dad did. I was only four or something. We got Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but that wasn't my favorite...
3. My favorite was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I don't know why, I think the fact that it had something to do with Jesus Christ interested me. Weird huh? Totally.
4. I only saw Raiders of the Lost Ark recently, like a year ago. I really like it.
5. Indiana Jones rocks the casbah over James Bond any day.
6. Isn't that a rad name? Indiana Jones? I'd be Wisconsin Emery. hahaha. Ew.
7. I am missing the movies at this moment.
8. I am hyperventilating.
9. I must go to watch them now.
10. Watch them because Indie is sexiness embodied.
This is worth reading, well, if you were me.
God called in sick today.
Title inspired by the AFI song because I think that God calls in sick when it comes to me in general.
Its the start of our first big break from the hell that comes with education (school). What to do? Shall I swing by the bar and toss back a couple drinks while I shoot the shit with the bartender? Do you think I should go and find a job, get my lazyass away from this computer screen and makes some money? As a go-go dancer perhaps? No, too...go-go...
We're getting close to the holiday season aren't we? Darn...I'm still broke. All I can do is come up with a mix CD, that's how poor I am, or give you a stick of gum, whatever. I don't know what to write in here anymore. Its strange. Is my life getting so uneventful that I can't even imagine fake situations anymore? This calls for an emergency. I will be back with something interesting to read.
P.S. Don't forget about the contest featured in the last entry.
Title inspired by the AFI song because I think that God calls in sick when it comes to me in general.
Its the start of our first big break from the hell that comes with education (school). What to do? Shall I swing by the bar and toss back a couple drinks while I shoot the shit with the bartender? Do you think I should go and find a job, get my lazyass away from this computer screen and makes some money? As a go-go dancer perhaps? No, too...go-go...
We're getting close to the holiday season aren't we? Darn...I'm still broke. All I can do is come up with a mix CD, that's how poor I am, or give you a stick of gum, whatever. I don't know what to write in here anymore. Its strange. Is my life getting so uneventful that I can't even imagine fake situations anymore? This calls for an emergency. I will be back with something interesting to read.
P.S. Don't forget about the contest featured in the last entry.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
I'm a liar. Don't be my friend.
....but I like to think that this is a good kind of lie. I was reading other people's blogs (people I don't even know, but they are so funny, like interns (haha)), and they have contests. Fuckin believe that? That's genius. Here's my contest, okay?
If you have a joke that you think will tickle me pink and make me laugh my sillies off, send it or leave a comment. Winner gets a sexy mix (CD, sorry I'm not old school enough for the mix tapes). Rock on. Let's see who actually participates.
....but I like to think that this is a good kind of lie. I was reading other people's blogs (people I don't even know, but they are so funny, like interns (haha)), and they have contests. Fuckin believe that? That's genius. Here's my contest, okay?
If you have a joke that you think will tickle me pink and make me laugh my sillies off, send it or leave a comment. Winner gets a sexy mix (CD, sorry I'm not old school enough for the mix tapes). Rock on. Let's see who actually participates.
Almost there
I'm tired. I had the fattest, motherfucking HEADACHE today. I'm not even laughing right now, it was so fucking fat. It felt as if someone was banging on my temples with a stone block, laughing of course, and then trying to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon. Bastard. When I got home, I ate hecka Chinese food and went to sleep. During sixth period, it was hecka bothering me. I had to close my eyes, but with the memory of Gonzalez and that stupid event, I am forever traumatized. I will never fall asleep in class again, I don't care if I even close my eyes, the shit's to hard.
So, un dia mas, amigos. This is what I've been waiting for. After tomorrow, we get our breaks. I get the break from the hell that makes me want to slash my arms, and you get a break from whatever school makes you want to do. Oh yeah, who wants to see my grades?
A [US History w/ Catollico- Catollico is an unbelievably cool teacher]
B+ [English w/ Mateer- So fuckin close to an A. 89%, fuck. I can slap that shit up to an A in two days.]
B- [Spanish 3 con Gonzalez. I hate that class.]
D+ [Calculus AB. I fear it.]
B [Chem. I know if I tried harder, I can get this. Three more weeks until the holidays. My goal is an A-.]
There it is. There is the crazy mess that causes my sleepless nights (damnit). The one song that's been stuck on my playlist for like two months: Long Since Forgotten-"Some Sort of Meaning." It sucks that the only two songs I can get on Kazaa are two. Bastard Kazaa. P.S. Fuck you. However currently on my playlist, I've got some AFI. CALL IT EMPOWERING. SHOUT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR LUNGS, BOYS, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING. MORE POWER TO YA'LL. This is my blog for the day, I think. Yesterday, I didn't blog anythng due to lack of things to say. I'll try to get back to my roots (with entries like my Holy Adventures) and write about things I saw during the day. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, you may return to your regular programming. Thanks for your time.
I'm tired. I had the fattest, motherfucking HEADACHE today. I'm not even laughing right now, it was so fucking fat. It felt as if someone was banging on my temples with a stone block, laughing of course, and then trying to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon. Bastard. When I got home, I ate hecka Chinese food and went to sleep. During sixth period, it was hecka bothering me. I had to close my eyes, but with the memory of Gonzalez and that stupid event, I am forever traumatized. I will never fall asleep in class again, I don't care if I even close my eyes, the shit's to hard.
So, un dia mas, amigos. This is what I've been waiting for. After tomorrow, we get our breaks. I get the break from the hell that makes me want to slash my arms, and you get a break from whatever school makes you want to do. Oh yeah, who wants to see my grades?
A [US History w/ Catollico- Catollico is an unbelievably cool teacher]
B+ [English w/ Mateer- So fuckin close to an A. 89%, fuck. I can slap that shit up to an A in two days.]
B- [Spanish 3 con Gonzalez. I hate that class.]
D+ [Calculus AB. I fear it.]
B [Chem. I know if I tried harder, I can get this. Three more weeks until the holidays. My goal is an A-.]
There it is. There is the crazy mess that causes my sleepless nights (damnit). The one song that's been stuck on my playlist for like two months: Long Since Forgotten-"Some Sort of Meaning." It sucks that the only two songs I can get on Kazaa are two. Bastard Kazaa. P.S. Fuck you. However currently on my playlist, I've got some AFI. CALL IT EMPOWERING. SHOUT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR LUNGS, BOYS, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING. MORE POWER TO YA'LL. This is my blog for the day, I think. Yesterday, I didn't blog anythng due to lack of things to say. I'll try to get back to my roots (with entries like my Holy Adventures) and write about things I saw during the day. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, you may return to your regular programming. Thanks for your time.
Sunday, November 24, 2002
Charlie and his Creek Going Back to the Future Like X-Men.
When we last left Charlie Brown and his friends, they were about to go Back to the Future (cue the music).
"So," said Charlie Brown as he reluctantly strapped himself in, "is that guy your grandpa or something?"
Ren laughed, but stopped herself before she gave away too much. "Something like that."
Linus sat in the backseat, watching the two. All this time, he'd been watching, letting the anger and jealousy grow within. Charlie Brown was naive. Linus saw through her innocent-girl act. In fact, Linus had the ability to see through any act; he had psychic abilities. He knew what Ren was thinking at that very moment. Boxers or briefs, she giggled.
Ren, herself, had some superhuman powers. She had the ability to fly. That's what made her the best buy on the street.
She sat in the driver's seat. The crazy doctor stood outside the car with his clipboard. Nervously, he paced back and forth. He signalled for them to go.
Charlie Brown sat calmly in the passenger seat. There was a bag of chips on the dash, a few sodas in the glove compartment, and a blanket in the backseat (although it looked a little dirty). He stared at Ren and wondered what she was thinking.
What is Charlie Brown's secret ability? When will they be going? Do you think they'll change history? That would be rad.
When we last left Charlie Brown and his friends, they were about to go Back to the Future (cue the music).
"So," said Charlie Brown as he reluctantly strapped himself in, "is that guy your grandpa or something?"
Ren laughed, but stopped herself before she gave away too much. "Something like that."
Linus sat in the backseat, watching the two. All this time, he'd been watching, letting the anger and jealousy grow within. Charlie Brown was naive. Linus saw through her innocent-girl act. In fact, Linus had the ability to see through any act; he had psychic abilities. He knew what Ren was thinking at that very moment. Boxers or briefs, she giggled.
Ren, herself, had some superhuman powers. She had the ability to fly. That's what made her the best buy on the street.
She sat in the driver's seat. The crazy doctor stood outside the car with his clipboard. Nervously, he paced back and forth. He signalled for them to go.
Charlie Brown sat calmly in the passenger seat. There was a bag of chips on the dash, a few sodas in the glove compartment, and a blanket in the backseat (although it looked a little dirty). He stared at Ren and wondered what she was thinking.
What is Charlie Brown's secret ability? When will they be going? Do you think they'll change history? That would be rad.
some more pictures.
I call that one the "perfect commercial" picture. Doesn't it look like it though? Can't you picture them saying stuff like, "Manong, you're finally home from the army!"
this is me and my japanese roommate.
It's me!!!
Me again.
Meet my family
my tita edith and my cousin bryan
some of my cousins
my adorable cousin, mary grace
and my punk rock cousin, miranda.
I call that one the "perfect commercial" picture. Doesn't it look like it though? Can't you picture them saying stuff like, "Manong, you're finally home from the army!"
this is me and my japanese roommate.
It's me!!!
Me again.
Meet my family
my tita edith and my cousin bryan
some of my cousins
my adorable cousin, mary grace
and my punk rock cousin, miranda.
Saturday, November 23, 2002
Why the summer was so fucking rad
I was just looking through my catalog today with the pictures of last summer in it. My heart is beating so fast as I type this in. I miss it. I miss complaining about that sorry excuse for food, but being away from home, spending all day with your friends, taking your shoes off and playing on the Great Lawn, getting to know New England made my summer. If you are reading this and you want are considering going, click here. Request a free catalog. C'mon, you know you wanna.
Guide to pictures:
Our Ethics class p. 10
Commons p.11
Great Lawn p. 18
The Tai Chi gang in two pictures p. 20
Young and his amazing frisbee skills (haha) p. Back of booklet
The staff p. Back of booklet.
Ready, set, Go!
I was just looking through my catalog today with the pictures of last summer in it. My heart is beating so fast as I type this in. I miss it. I miss complaining about that sorry excuse for food, but being away from home, spending all day with your friends, taking your shoes off and playing on the Great Lawn, getting to know New England made my summer. If you are reading this and you want are considering going, click here. Request a free catalog. C'mon, you know you wanna.
Guide to pictures:
Our Ethics class p. 10
Commons p.11
Great Lawn p. 18
The Tai Chi gang in two pictures p. 20
Young and his amazing frisbee skills (haha) p. Back of booklet
The staff p. Back of booklet.
Ready, set, Go!
Friday, November 22, 2002
Another week, another recap
10. I was on the edge, almost broke myself.
9. Writing a poem; first time in months.
8. The week is over.
7. Failed five tests this week, woohoo.
6. Getting in touch with my dark side.
5. Sleep-deprived. This whole week. Barely sleep.
4. So much work this week.
3. Writing that rap. Haha, Mickey, that would've been rad. We woulda rocked the casbah with our lyrical illness.
2. Just remembering stuff.
1. Today. See next list
I decided that today deserves its own recap:
5. That whole name-changing thing in Gonzalez, that was hilarious.
4. Got my license in the mail today. Picture is ugly.
3. Got the Andover catalog in the mail today.
2. Prospect of me getting some money, for a change.
1. Being Friday is enough to top this list.
basically,
Ralph Waldo Emerson was born in 1803, in Boston, Mass. which is awesome. You should all go there, yeah, Boston is raaad.
10. I was on the edge, almost broke myself.
9. Writing a poem; first time in months.
8. The week is over.
7. Failed five tests this week, woohoo.
6. Getting in touch with my dark side.
5. Sleep-deprived. This whole week. Barely sleep.
4. So much work this week.
3. Writing that rap. Haha, Mickey, that would've been rad. We woulda rocked the casbah with our lyrical illness.
2. Just remembering stuff.
1. Today. See next list
I decided that today deserves its own recap:
5. That whole name-changing thing in Gonzalez, that was hilarious.
4. Got my license in the mail today. Picture is ugly.
3. Got the Andover catalog in the mail today.
2. Prospect of me getting some money, for a change.
1. Being Friday is enough to top this list.
basically,
Ralph Waldo Emerson was born in 1803, in Boston, Mass. which is awesome. You should all go there, yeah, Boston is raaad.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
So...
All I know is that I feel like bloggin. Hmm...what to blog about though? I think someone should call me Vanessa McBlog. Or just Blogga McBlog for that matter. I've had no adventures lately. My last one was the thing on the roof, shouting obscene messages to passers-by at night. Heheheh...who's a rebel? (answer: Me. (hey, shutup)). Listening to some Billy Idol right now (Hey! I told you to shutup!...Billy Idol is cool, the sneer is sexy, okay?). It makes me want to do the 80's dance...you know that one where you swing yourself from side to side and barely lift your heels off the ground. Remember?---Nevermind, then. Well who remembers Nilli Vanilli? Come on, people! I used to love those two imposters with the cheap weaves! You shoulda saw me...my hair was cut all short, and yet I still did the head swingin like a rockstar thing. Good times. My train of thought seems to have stopped. I guess it reached its destination of "Nowhere" (and it seems even gayer when I have the damn quotation marks around the word...damnit!). Dude, like three people leave comments in here...the top two are mickey and myself (yeah, pathetic, i know, but its fun...this one time I even praised myself, heheheh). But they're funny. I tried submitting my website to a million search engines, but it just don't work. Ya'll know? *Dancing with myself/Dancing with myself/If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance* I hope those are the right words, because I'm saying them right now. I'm such a geek.
All I know is that I feel like bloggin. Hmm...what to blog about though? I think someone should call me Vanessa McBlog. Or just Blogga McBlog for that matter. I've had no adventures lately. My last one was the thing on the roof, shouting obscene messages to passers-by at night. Heheheh...who's a rebel? (answer: Me. (hey, shutup)). Listening to some Billy Idol right now (Hey! I told you to shutup!...Billy Idol is cool, the sneer is sexy, okay?). It makes me want to do the 80's dance...you know that one where you swing yourself from side to side and barely lift your heels off the ground. Remember?---Nevermind, then. Well who remembers Nilli Vanilli? Come on, people! I used to love those two imposters with the cheap weaves! You shoulda saw me...my hair was cut all short, and yet I still did the head swingin like a rockstar thing. Good times. My train of thought seems to have stopped. I guess it reached its destination of "Nowhere" (and it seems even gayer when I have the damn quotation marks around the word...damnit!). Dude, like three people leave comments in here...the top two are mickey and myself (yeah, pathetic, i know, but its fun...this one time I even praised myself, heheheh). But they're funny. I tried submitting my website to a million search engines, but it just don't work. Ya'll know? *Dancing with myself/Dancing with myself/If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance* I hope those are the right words, because I'm saying them right now. I'm such a geek.
The things that sicken me
I feel sick like a sick person. I woke up today and my throat was all fucked up and I had one of those leaky nose things. Torture. I don't know how I got it either. Weirderooney. Hmm...what has been going through my mind lately? A train...a train going nowhere fast...passing through the mountains...maybe away....its just a strange train of thought.
The train:
music. pleasure.food. fat. thighs. ass. big. me. diet. 7th grade. weights. lifting. lazy. writing. poetry. martin luther king jr. civil disobedience. thoreau. andover. ms. nguyen. ghandi. civil disobedience. need to finish. homework. test tomorrow. chemistry. calculus. spanish 3. classes to drop next semester. incubus. music. movies. the count of monte cristo. good movie. life as a house. cry. tears. tissues. old movies. audrey hepburn. gregory peck. roman holiday. perks of being a wallflower. lost. cousin lost my book. felicia lost my dru hill cd in seventh grade. middle school. sad. black and white clothes. short kids. high school. tall kids. assholes. the world is going to be a crackhole. future. family. kids. college? bartending. why won't mom and dad let me just be a bartender? guitar. must learn how to play my guitar. rocking. going to take my poems and make songs. songs. pardon me. goodbye.
I feel sick like a sick person. I woke up today and my throat was all fucked up and I had one of those leaky nose things. Torture. I don't know how I got it either. Weirderooney. Hmm...what has been going through my mind lately? A train...a train going nowhere fast...passing through the mountains...maybe away....its just a strange train of thought.
The train:
music. pleasure.food. fat. thighs. ass. big. me. diet. 7th grade. weights. lifting. lazy. writing. poetry. martin luther king jr. civil disobedience. thoreau. andover. ms. nguyen. ghandi. civil disobedience. need to finish. homework. test tomorrow. chemistry. calculus. spanish 3. classes to drop next semester. incubus. music. movies. the count of monte cristo. good movie. life as a house. cry. tears. tissues. old movies. audrey hepburn. gregory peck. roman holiday. perks of being a wallflower. lost. cousin lost my book. felicia lost my dru hill cd in seventh grade. middle school. sad. black and white clothes. short kids. high school. tall kids. assholes. the world is going to be a crackhole. future. family. kids. college? bartending. why won't mom and dad let me just be a bartender? guitar. must learn how to play my guitar. rocking. going to take my poems and make songs. songs. pardon me. goodbye.
On and On
Adding to the list of favorites:
song: "You got me" -The Roots
Saw The Bachelor tonight, in fact, it diverted my attention from homework. Oh well, I am still an advocate of civil disobedience but I'd rather not read it. Anyway, I knew he was gonna pick Helene. Dude, that guy...he's always breathing like he's gonna have a heart attack or something. Dude and he's always smiling. =) Just for old time's sake: Damn Seventh Heaven.
Adding to the list of favorites:
song: "You got me" -The Roots
Saw The Bachelor tonight, in fact, it diverted my attention from homework. Oh well, I am still an advocate of civil disobedience but I'd rather not read it. Anyway, I knew he was gonna pick Helene. Dude, that guy...he's always breathing like he's gonna have a heart attack or something. Dude and he's always smiling. =) Just for old time's sake: Damn Seventh Heaven.
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
Today
Today.
I turned in my late major report.
Failed a test.
Failed a quiz.
Wrote a poem.
Showed the poem to Mateer.
Came to the conclusion that Mateer is a very nice person and that we give her hell for the only reason that she is a teacher.
Did my work.
Stayed awake.
Almost fell asleep in Calculus...
Speaking of Calculus, I realized that I really do fear Calculus. I'm not joking like when people say, "I'm scared." right before a major test. I was surprised that this was real, genuine fear. I was shaking as she wrote the quiz questions on the board and dreaded the next second when I would have to answer them. I swear I let myself look at her with those eyes...those "I'm scared. Spare me my life. I have kids." look. The cruel woman did not surrender to my silent pleas and I took and failed the quiz. If I really had kids, if she had a gun loaded with Calculus problems...I'm sad to say that they would be made orphans. I find fear and loathing in my fourth period Calculus class.
Today.
I turned in my late major report.
Failed a test.
Failed a quiz.
Wrote a poem.
Showed the poem to Mateer.
Came to the conclusion that Mateer is a very nice person and that we give her hell for the only reason that she is a teacher.
Did my work.
Stayed awake.
Almost fell asleep in Calculus...
Speaking of Calculus, I realized that I really do fear Calculus. I'm not joking like when people say, "I'm scared." right before a major test. I was surprised that this was real, genuine fear. I was shaking as she wrote the quiz questions on the board and dreaded the next second when I would have to answer them. I swear I let myself look at her with those eyes...those "I'm scared. Spare me my life. I have kids." look. The cruel woman did not surrender to my silent pleas and I took and failed the quiz. If I really had kids, if she had a gun loaded with Calculus problems...I'm sad to say that they would be made orphans. I find fear and loathing in my fourth period Calculus class.
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Because I feel like it
"Pardon Me"
Incubus
Pardon me while I burst
Pardon me while I burst
A decade ago, I never thought I would be.
A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion woe is me
But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear. I need you to see.
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
To me
So Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said I can relate
Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from.
The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
And thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Never be the same...yeah.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah
"Undone (The Sweater Song)"
Weezer
I'm me
Me be
Goddamn
I am
I can
Sing and
Here me
If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away
Watch me unravel I'll soon be naked
Lying on the floor, I've come undone
Oh no
It go
It gone
Bye-bye
Who I
I think
I sink
and I die
I don't want to destroy your tank-top
Let's be friends and just walk away
Hate you see you lyin' there in your Superman skivvies
Lying on the floor, I've come undone
"On and On"
Erykah Badu
Oh my my my
I'm feeling high
My moneys gone
I'm all alone
The world is turnin'
Oh what a day
What a day whay a day
Peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learn,
If your knowledge were your wealth then it will be well earn
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
Whew on and on and on and on
I go on and on and on and on
Ohh on and on and on and on
I was born under water with 3 dollars and 6 dimes
Yeah you might laugh 'cause you did not do your math
Na qua 2..3.
Damn, yall feel that? Oh...
Qua 2..3.
The world keeps turning
Oh what a day what a day what a day
The man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all
Does it seem colder in your summertime and hotter in your fall
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
I go on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
I am feeling kinda hungry 'cause my high is coming down
Don't feed me yours 'cause your food does not endure
I think i need a cup of tea, the world keeps burnin'
Oh what a day, what a day what a day
You rush into destruction 'cause you don't have nothin' left
The mothership can't save you so your ass is goin' get it
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
Ooh ooh wee on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
"Certainly"
Erykah Badu
who gave u permission to rearrange me
certainly not me
who told you that it was alright to love me
certainly not me
I was not looking for no love affair
and now you wanna fix me
I was not looking for no love affair
and now you want to mold me
Was not looking for no love affair
now you wanna kiss me
Was not looking for no love affair
and now you wanna control me
hold me
You're really trying to get creative with me love
and that's alright, but
you tried to get a little tricky turned my back
and then you slipped me a mickey.
The world is mine
When I wake up
I don't need nobody telling me the time
Certainly, certainly, certainly not me
Who gave u permission to rearrange me
certainly not me
Who told you that it was alright to love me
certainly not me
I was not looking for no love affair
Certainly, certainly, certainly not me
"Pardon Me"
Incubus
Pardon me while I burst
Pardon me while I burst
A decade ago, I never thought I would be.
A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion woe is me
But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear. I need you to see.
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
To me
So Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said I can relate
Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from.
The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
And thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Never be the same...yeah.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah
"Undone (The Sweater Song)"
Weezer
I'm me
Me be
Goddamn
I am
I can
Sing and
Here me
If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away
Watch me unravel I'll soon be naked
Lying on the floor, I've come undone
Oh no
It go
It gone
Bye-bye
Who I
I think
I sink
and I die
I don't want to destroy your tank-top
Let's be friends and just walk away
Hate you see you lyin' there in your Superman skivvies
Lying on the floor, I've come undone
"On and On"
Erykah Badu
Oh my my my
I'm feeling high
My moneys gone
I'm all alone
The world is turnin'
Oh what a day
What a day whay a day
Peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learn,
If your knowledge were your wealth then it will be well earn
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
Whew on and on and on and on
I go on and on and on and on
Ohh on and on and on and on
I was born under water with 3 dollars and 6 dimes
Yeah you might laugh 'cause you did not do your math
Na qua 2..3.
Damn, yall feel that? Oh...
Qua 2..3.
The world keeps turning
Oh what a day what a day what a day
The man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all
Does it seem colder in your summertime and hotter in your fall
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
I go on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
I am feeling kinda hungry 'cause my high is coming down
Don't feed me yours 'cause your food does not endure
I think i need a cup of tea, the world keeps burnin'
Oh what a day, what a day what a day
You rush into destruction 'cause you don't have nothin' left
The mothership can't save you so your ass is goin' get it
If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but they fear us just the same
Oh on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
Ooh ooh wee on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
"Certainly"
Erykah Badu
who gave u permission to rearrange me
certainly not me
who told you that it was alright to love me
certainly not me
I was not looking for no love affair
and now you wanna fix me
I was not looking for no love affair
and now you want to mold me
Was not looking for no love affair
now you wanna kiss me
Was not looking for no love affair
and now you wanna control me
hold me
You're really trying to get creative with me love
and that's alright, but
you tried to get a little tricky turned my back
and then you slipped me a mickey.
The world is mine
When I wake up
I don't need nobody telling me the time
Certainly, certainly, certainly not me
Who gave u permission to rearrange me
certainly not me
Who told you that it was alright to love me
certainly not me
I was not looking for no love affair
Certainly, certainly, certainly not me
Staying
I almost did it today. I almost gave into it. I almost lost the five year battle, and it continues still. Things like this just don't get to be closed out. You can't tune these feelings out. They stay. They've stayed longer with me than I ever expected. All I can come up with is that no one deserves to feel this way, but so many people do. That hurts. When your friend tells you this, or when your little twelve-year-old sister, or your young cousins. "Why is life worth living?" I beg to know, too. I'm waiting for an answer, and that's why I'm still here. I would have given in years ago...but I'm such a "coward" I couldn't bring myself to do it. Tonight I wanted to get drunk by the bottle of whiskey in the cupboard and take the knife and maybe a pad and leave a note...I could have prepared one for everyone I know...its just better this way...but...tonight my sister said some things to me that break my heart. Cousin, Anthony, if you're reading this, I want you to know this: don't do it. Don't give in. We can't be weak. Not us. Not this family. We're too close. There are too many people looking at you. When they see that you've been suffering for so long...and no one sees me. I think I'm clinically depressed. This will be my last sad blog in here. If I ever have anything else to say that involves my depression it will be somewhere else...I'll create a page and create a link. Its dark where I am right now. How do you fix the inside? How do you fix the inside? I'm broken. Too many shattered pieces. Every dream I've ever had suddenly has no meaning if I can't make it happen. I have to fix this because there are just too many people watching me....I'm sorry, so much. Friends, I'll still be here tomorrow, regrettably. I'll stick this out until the end. We all should, and maybe I'll make an attempt. When you see me at school, don't talk to me about this. Don't tell me not to do anything. All you'll ever get out of me is a painful smile and maybe even teary eyes. I hate being a burden to anyone. I'll only be a burden to me from now on. I'm not going to delete this blog...I need a reminder...I need to know...this serves only for me and as a letter to you. But it needs no response. I'm trying to stay.
I almost did it today. I almost gave into it. I almost lost the five year battle, and it continues still. Things like this just don't get to be closed out. You can't tune these feelings out. They stay. They've stayed longer with me than I ever expected. All I can come up with is that no one deserves to feel this way, but so many people do. That hurts. When your friend tells you this, or when your little twelve-year-old sister, or your young cousins. "Why is life worth living?" I beg to know, too. I'm waiting for an answer, and that's why I'm still here. I would have given in years ago...but I'm such a "coward" I couldn't bring myself to do it. Tonight I wanted to get drunk by the bottle of whiskey in the cupboard and take the knife and maybe a pad and leave a note...I could have prepared one for everyone I know...its just better this way...but...tonight my sister said some things to me that break my heart. Cousin, Anthony, if you're reading this, I want you to know this: don't do it. Don't give in. We can't be weak. Not us. Not this family. We're too close. There are too many people looking at you. When they see that you've been suffering for so long...and no one sees me. I think I'm clinically depressed. This will be my last sad blog in here. If I ever have anything else to say that involves my depression it will be somewhere else...I'll create a page and create a link. Its dark where I am right now. How do you fix the inside? How do you fix the inside? I'm broken. Too many shattered pieces. Every dream I've ever had suddenly has no meaning if I can't make it happen. I have to fix this because there are just too many people watching me....I'm sorry, so much. Friends, I'll still be here tomorrow, regrettably. I'll stick this out until the end. We all should, and maybe I'll make an attempt. When you see me at school, don't talk to me about this. Don't tell me not to do anything. All you'll ever get out of me is a painful smile and maybe even teary eyes. I hate being a burden to anyone. I'll only be a burden to me from now on. I'm not going to delete this blog...I need a reminder...I need to know...this serves only for me and as a letter to you. But it needs no response. I'm trying to stay.
Monday, November 18, 2002
It ain't easy
I forgot. I'm sorry. I even weirded out and all that...but I did some good and took a nap, now I'm not as cranky as I was before. No matter how many books I read that share this theme, or how many songs I listen to...I still complain. "Nobody said it was easy" (Coldplay). True. To wonder what all this is for is a lie. I know what this is for. This is all so we can grow up to bling bling in Mercedes S-classes and ferraris. Some of us won't even get that far. Either way, that's what this is for. I get it. Sometimes I don't want to get it; sometimes the easy way out looks hella sexy to me. --McDonald's doesn't pay that bad right? What is it, $10 bucks an hour?-- The world isn't out to get me. The world has got me. The world has got you. That's it. No questions. No exceptions. This is how it is. Fate will bite you in the ass and rip off your pants if you don't get it. That's how I explain poverty. Someone out there is responsible for all this. If it's your fault, then its my fault too, and if its my fault, you might as well blame that one dude in India taking a nap right now. He didn't do anything. He's just sleeping. Just like we're not doing anything. I'm just typin in my blog, ain't nothing wrong with that. You're just reading this. Its not us, people. But someone is responsible for this. Perhaps it was a great botch committed thousands of years ago, and coincidently his name is omitted from textbooks being "the official fuck-up of history." If they taught that shit, I'd definitely go and pay attention in class.
My Playlist Right Now:
1. "Praise Song"- Jimmy Eat World
2. "The Scientist"- Coldplay
3. "Pardon Me"- Incubus
4. "Say It Ain't So"- Weezer
5. "Hover"- Trust company
6. "This is Not A Love Song"- Juliana Theory
7. "Burn"- Cure
8. "Understanding in a Car Crash"- Thursday
9. "Cross Out the Eyes"- Thursday
10. "Standing on the Edge of Summer"- Thursday
11. "How long is the night?"- Thursday
12. "Hate Every Beautiful Day"- Sugarcult
13. "Fast Times at Drop-out High"- The *Ataris
14. "Christine"- Sugarcult
15. "The Hanging Garden"- AFI (Cure cover)
16. "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva"- Taking Back Sunday (with the old singer)
17. "Folding Chair"-Actionslacks
Best CD to listen to while you're depressed: Thursday- Full Collapse
I forgot. I'm sorry. I even weirded out and all that...but I did some good and took a nap, now I'm not as cranky as I was before. No matter how many books I read that share this theme, or how many songs I listen to...I still complain. "Nobody said it was easy" (Coldplay). True. To wonder what all this is for is a lie. I know what this is for. This is all so we can grow up to bling bling in Mercedes S-classes and ferraris. Some of us won't even get that far. Either way, that's what this is for. I get it. Sometimes I don't want to get it; sometimes the easy way out looks hella sexy to me. --McDonald's doesn't pay that bad right? What is it, $10 bucks an hour?-- The world isn't out to get me. The world has got me. The world has got you. That's it. No questions. No exceptions. This is how it is. Fate will bite you in the ass and rip off your pants if you don't get it. That's how I explain poverty. Someone out there is responsible for all this. If it's your fault, then its my fault too, and if its my fault, you might as well blame that one dude in India taking a nap right now. He didn't do anything. He's just sleeping. Just like we're not doing anything. I'm just typin in my blog, ain't nothing wrong with that. You're just reading this. Its not us, people. But someone is responsible for this. Perhaps it was a great botch committed thousands of years ago, and coincidently his name is omitted from textbooks being "the official fuck-up of history." If they taught that shit, I'd definitely go and pay attention in class.
My Playlist Right Now:
1. "Praise Song"- Jimmy Eat World
2. "The Scientist"- Coldplay
3. "Pardon Me"- Incubus
4. "Say It Ain't So"- Weezer
5. "Hover"- Trust company
6. "This is Not A Love Song"- Juliana Theory
7. "Burn"- Cure
8. "Understanding in a Car Crash"- Thursday
9. "Cross Out the Eyes"- Thursday
10. "Standing on the Edge of Summer"- Thursday
11. "How long is the night?"- Thursday
12. "Hate Every Beautiful Day"- Sugarcult
13. "Fast Times at Drop-out High"- The *Ataris
14. "Christine"- Sugarcult
15. "The Hanging Garden"- AFI (Cure cover)
16. "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva"- Taking Back Sunday (with the old singer)
17. "Folding Chair"-Actionslacks
Best CD to listen to while you're depressed: Thursday- Full Collapse
What the hell is the starting line?
...What is it? Does anyone know? What does that mean? Yeah, I'm still listening to that CD, its nice...most of the songs I heard about two years ago from audiogalaxy, but still...Anyway, who wants to drop out of high school with me? Do I have any takers? You? Oh, okay. No really...I understand. I know that you have to do this...for your mom, right? Yeah...me too...kinda...Its just a little depressing. Can you believe how many years we've been doing this shit? We spent nearly all of our lives learning all of this crap that we probably won't even remember in two years. But we kill ourselves trying to get a letter, and then we let that letter validate and categorize ourselves. If you get an "A", you're smart. If you get an "F" you're a fuckin deadbeat-future-McDonald's-employee-dumbass. Its crazy. And then you let some old lady who spent all of her life going all through this torture do all this to you. Fuck you, you old fart.
I'm so jaded, it ain't even funny. Yeah, I'm a fucking rebel, starting my sentences with "and" and "but" and shit. Maverick. (What do you call a female rebel?). I should be sleeping since I have a bigass report due tomorrow for English. I should rest before I attempt to save myself from academic suicide. I'm still trying to figure out what all this is for. I'm going on serious revolt, man. Who cares to join me? We can take on the world, paint the sky purple, and wage war on authority. Chaos rules the youthful mind, and so shall it continue to rule until we finally grow up and realize our folly in creating this disorder. But I'd rather not wait. In fact, who wants to join me? ....Okay, fine...don't do it...I understand...
...What is it? Does anyone know? What does that mean? Yeah, I'm still listening to that CD, its nice...most of the songs I heard about two years ago from audiogalaxy, but still...Anyway, who wants to drop out of high school with me? Do I have any takers? You? Oh, okay. No really...I understand. I know that you have to do this...for your mom, right? Yeah...me too...kinda...Its just a little depressing. Can you believe how many years we've been doing this shit? We spent nearly all of our lives learning all of this crap that we probably won't even remember in two years. But we kill ourselves trying to get a letter, and then we let that letter validate and categorize ourselves. If you get an "A", you're smart. If you get an "F" you're a fuckin deadbeat-future-McDonald's-employee-dumbass. Its crazy. And then you let some old lady who spent all of her life going all through this torture do all this to you. Fuck you, you old fart.
I'm so jaded, it ain't even funny. Yeah, I'm a fucking rebel, starting my sentences with "and" and "but" and shit. Maverick. (What do you call a female rebel?). I should be sleeping since I have a bigass report due tomorrow for English. I should rest before I attempt to save myself from academic suicide. I'm still trying to figure out what all this is for. I'm going on serious revolt, man. Who cares to join me? We can take on the world, paint the sky purple, and wage war on authority. Chaos rules the youthful mind, and so shall it continue to rule until we finally grow up and realize our folly in creating this disorder. But I'd rather not wait. In fact, who wants to join me? ....Okay, fine...don't do it...I understand...
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Self-Defense
Boring. This weekend. Reading all the other blogs, my weekend of playing Life and sitting on a roof seems like nothing. Kinda feel foolish. Not even caring about grammar. Writing this like lyrics to a song. No direction. Just pouring it.
I bought the Starting Line CD today. Sick and tired of that Kazaa shit. Takes too long. Pisses me off. What can I say about The Starting Line? Well...they are so New Found Glory, almost more New Found Glory than New Found Glory. I dont know..I should've bought some Radiohead instead because I feel kinda gloomy. Some wit...where is my wit...I nearly forgot...I'm almost running out of repartee. I guess I'll do a list.
5 things that may be sharper than wit...
1. a samurai's sword
2. hemmorhoids (sp?)
3. a needle
4. a really really sharp pencil...
5. an arrow
Boring. This weekend. Reading all the other blogs, my weekend of playing Life and sitting on a roof seems like nothing. Kinda feel foolish. Not even caring about grammar. Writing this like lyrics to a song. No direction. Just pouring it.
I bought the Starting Line CD today. Sick and tired of that Kazaa shit. Takes too long. Pisses me off. What can I say about The Starting Line? Well...they are so New Found Glory, almost more New Found Glory than New Found Glory. I dont know..I should've bought some Radiohead instead because I feel kinda gloomy. Some wit...where is my wit...I nearly forgot...I'm almost running out of repartee. I guess I'll do a list.
5 things that may be sharper than wit...
1. a samurai's sword
2. hemmorhoids (sp?)
3. a needle
4. a really really sharp pencil...
5. an arrow
Saturday, November 16, 2002
"Hover" by Trust Company
To see you leave again
Its over
And it kills me to watch you descend
To the end
Shutting me out again
Are you trying?
Closing me out again
Are you hurting?
You take me down
Further inside of me
And I'm fading out
I can barely see
To see you caving in
I undone
& To say it's the last time again
It's the end
Shutting me out again
Are you trying?
Closing me out again
Are you hurting?
You take me down
Further inside of me
Now I'm fading out
I can barely see
To see you leave again
Its over
And it kills me to watch you descend
To the end
Shutting me out again
Are you trying?
Closing me out again
Are you hurting?
You take me down
Further inside of me
And I'm fading out
I can barely see
To see you caving in
I undone
& To say it's the last time again
It's the end
Shutting me out again
Are you trying?
Closing me out again
Are you hurting?
You take me down
Further inside of me
Now I'm fading out
I can barely see
One of those days...
Today was just one of those chill days. I woke up at 11 because my mom told me we were going to have lunch at my aunt's house. When we got to my aunt's house I had a filipino dish I haven't had in a long while. That was nice. Some of my cousins were there. We just chilled, I read tabloids and People magazine. When that got boring, we went to Target. We saw some kids in Giants jersies (little leaguers) and my cousins screamed out comments like "The A's rock" and "Go Yankees!" We bought a board game; some Simpson's board game. We planned to beat the system by buying it, playing it, taking some pieces, and returning it, telling them there were missing pieces. Needless to say, we succeeded in beating the system. So as two of my cousins and my sister went back to Target to return the game, my cousin and I stayed to play with my other little cousin. We ate lots of cookies, watched TV, and just chilled. When the cousins and sister returned from Target they came back with the board game, Life. We played. I had five children, I was an athlete with a salary of $60,000, then $100,000, then finally, $90,000. I had was blingin at the end, in my retirement, with over a million dollars. When that was done, we climbed on the roof and just chilled. I have never been on a roof before...that was so cool. That was day. Chilling with my family.
Today was just one of those chill days. I woke up at 11 because my mom told me we were going to have lunch at my aunt's house. When we got to my aunt's house I had a filipino dish I haven't had in a long while. That was nice. Some of my cousins were there. We just chilled, I read tabloids and People magazine. When that got boring, we went to Target. We saw some kids in Giants jersies (little leaguers) and my cousins screamed out comments like "The A's rock" and "Go Yankees!" We bought a board game; some Simpson's board game. We planned to beat the system by buying it, playing it, taking some pieces, and returning it, telling them there were missing pieces. Needless to say, we succeeded in beating the system. So as two of my cousins and my sister went back to Target to return the game, my cousin and I stayed to play with my other little cousin. We ate lots of cookies, watched TV, and just chilled. When the cousins and sister returned from Target they came back with the board game, Life. We played. I had five children, I was an athlete with a salary of $60,000, then $100,000, then finally, $90,000. I had was blingin at the end, in my retirement, with over a million dollars. When that was done, we climbed on the roof and just chilled. I have never been on a roof before...that was so cool. That was day. Chilling with my family.
The Giggle Wars
And the award for Comedy of the Year goes too...(drumroll)...Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. (Crowd cheers and whoops, standing ovations, maybe even flowers being thrown at the feet of the beautiful Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman, not to mention hilarious Ewan McGregor). Just saw that movie. So funny. My favorite part is when they are frolicking in the meadow and then you see Anakin come out riding this friggin elephant/pig/rhino looking creature and then he falls and Padme (Portman) goes to see if he's okay and he rolls over laughing. Classic. Corniest thing I've ever seen. So, George Lucas, take a bow because you're a genius. You're pure genius. I'll try not to cry. And even harder...I'll try not to giggle next installment.
The Breathing Wars
When you hate the world, isn't it hard to breathe? More than that though, its even harder to want to breathe.
And the award for Comedy of the Year goes too...(drumroll)...Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. (Crowd cheers and whoops, standing ovations, maybe even flowers being thrown at the feet of the beautiful Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman, not to mention hilarious Ewan McGregor). Just saw that movie. So funny. My favorite part is when they are frolicking in the meadow and then you see Anakin come out riding this friggin elephant/pig/rhino looking creature and then he falls and Padme (Portman) goes to see if he's okay and he rolls over laughing. Classic. Corniest thing I've ever seen. So, George Lucas, take a bow because you're a genius. You're pure genius. I'll try not to cry. And even harder...I'll try not to giggle next installment.
The Breathing Wars
When you hate the world, isn't it hard to breathe? More than that though, its even harder to want to breathe.
Friday, November 15, 2002
Chillin
...top billin. Just listening to Weezer- "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here." Story of my life, man. Yo, Mickey, Tom Welling is Superman from Smallville. Hella sexy guy. Hey, I'm realizing that I probably need to include more pictures on my pictures site, and I'll work on that. I'm going to try to get all those pictures from my digital camera developed though. I have some good shit from the trip to Massachusetts that I need to email to people and put in a friggin album. Life is catching up, ya'll, watch out before it smacks you hard in the ass, like a whooping from your mama. I don't know what to say, let's just do the recap thing right now then...
Weekly Recap
10. Mateer singing in class...man, that embarrased me...
9. That song by Coldplay rocks and I've been playing the fuck out of it ever since I downloaded it. Thanks again, Adrian.
8. Sleeping early, hah. I'm still trying to figure how this benefits me if I'm not going to grow anymore and I'll fall asleep in class anyways.
7. Somehow I actually started to do my homework on time and shit...fuck me...that's fucking amazing.
6. Finishing my book. Awesome.
5. Four-day school week.
4. Collaboration schedule.
3. Rally Friday.
2. Rally- first time I've cheered since Freshman year. Sorry I couldn't help our Junior class, and I wish I could tell you why without being embarrassed. By the by (that's such a gay saying), go prima! You rock the casbah.
1. Feeling like a writer again.
...top billin. Just listening to Weezer- "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here." Story of my life, man. Yo, Mickey, Tom Welling is Superman from Smallville. Hella sexy guy. Hey, I'm realizing that I probably need to include more pictures on my pictures site, and I'll work on that. I'm going to try to get all those pictures from my digital camera developed though. I have some good shit from the trip to Massachusetts that I need to email to people and put in a friggin album. Life is catching up, ya'll, watch out before it smacks you hard in the ass, like a whooping from your mama. I don't know what to say, let's just do the recap thing right now then...
Weekly Recap
10. Mateer singing in class...man, that embarrased me...
9. That song by Coldplay rocks and I've been playing the fuck out of it ever since I downloaded it. Thanks again, Adrian.
8. Sleeping early, hah. I'm still trying to figure how this benefits me if I'm not going to grow anymore and I'll fall asleep in class anyways.
7. Somehow I actually started to do my homework on time and shit...fuck me...that's fucking amazing.
6. Finishing my book. Awesome.
5. Four-day school week.
4. Collaboration schedule.
3. Rally Friday.
2. Rally- first time I've cheered since Freshman year. Sorry I couldn't help our Junior class, and I wish I could tell you why without being embarrassed. By the by (that's such a gay saying), go prima! You rock the casbah.
1. Feeling like a writer again.
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Some Favorites:
favorite book: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (for now, anyway). Tie between The Fountainhead and The Perks for "all-time" spot.
favorite drink: a mocha frap from starbucks (best if you drink on a summer day)
favorite songs: "Pardon Me"- incubus, "Hover"-trustcompany, "Some Sort of Meaning"- long since forgotten, "Just Like Heaven"- The Cure, "I wanna know what love is"- Julie Ruin...
favorite cartoon: don't watch much...but all time....Alvin & the Chipmunks, baby
favorite hottie: tie between Vince Carter and Tom Welling
favorite movies: Life As A House, The Count of Monte Cristo, Music From Another Room, The Way of the Gun....
favorite place to chill: room, library (real one)- under the lights, sitting on the lawn with a CD player and a good book, beach (so long as there aren't any friggin horse flies)
favorite book: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (for now, anyway). Tie between The Fountainhead and The Perks for "all-time" spot.
favorite drink: a mocha frap from starbucks (best if you drink on a summer day)
favorite songs: "Pardon Me"- incubus, "Hover"-trustcompany, "Some Sort of Meaning"- long since forgotten, "Just Like Heaven"- The Cure, "I wanna know what love is"- Julie Ruin...
favorite cartoon: don't watch much...but all time....Alvin & the Chipmunks, baby
favorite hottie: tie between Vince Carter and Tom Welling
favorite movies: Life As A House, The Count of Monte Cristo, Music From Another Room, The Way of the Gun....
favorite place to chill: room, library (real one)- under the lights, sitting on the lawn with a CD player and a good book, beach (so long as there aren't any friggin horse flies)
Joke on me?
I don't understand it when people don't let you borrow their stuff. I'd let you borrow something of mine if it weren't imperative that I needed it. I'd save you if you were drowning. I'd feed you if you were starving. I wouldn't live for you though, in the great theme of The Fountainhead. As long as you aren't a little free-loading punk about it, I'd do anything for you. I'm not gullible or too passive. I know when to say, "Fuck off." I've been hostile ever since I had that dream about getting in a fight with my cousin. I wonder if I was actually kicking and punching in bed. That would have been funny. Anyway, there are just a lot of things I hate. I am now going to my sister's choir concert. Later.
I don't understand it when people don't let you borrow their stuff. I'd let you borrow something of mine if it weren't imperative that I needed it. I'd save you if you were drowning. I'd feed you if you were starving. I wouldn't live for you though, in the great theme of The Fountainhead. As long as you aren't a little free-loading punk about it, I'd do anything for you. I'm not gullible or too passive. I know when to say, "Fuck off." I've been hostile ever since I had that dream about getting in a fight with my cousin. I wonder if I was actually kicking and punching in bed. That would have been funny. Anyway, there are just a lot of things I hate. I am now going to my sister's choir concert. Later.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Good book.
I'm so bored. Just watched Ed, which is sort of a guilty pleasure for me. Been watching since it premiered the fall of freshman year. Well, its a good show, so don't give me shit, okay.
Just finished The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. Gee whiz. That book is so good. The end almost had me in tears. I finished it yesterday and I'm still thinking about it. I won't tell you why I like it though, because then you might actually know me, which I am ultimately afraid of. You actually might be able to tell by the songs I listen to, or the books I like, or the movies that rock. Yeah, well, you're not getting any hints from me. If you really want to know, though I doubt its imperative, you'll have to do your own investigation. First one to the right me wins five bucks. Careful, because I'm playing too.
Anyway, that was a damn good book.
I'm so bored. Just watched Ed, which is sort of a guilty pleasure for me. Been watching since it premiered the fall of freshman year. Well, its a good show, so don't give me shit, okay.
Just finished The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. Gee whiz. That book is so good. The end almost had me in tears. I finished it yesterday and I'm still thinking about it. I won't tell you why I like it though, because then you might actually know me, which I am ultimately afraid of. You actually might be able to tell by the songs I listen to, or the books I like, or the movies that rock. Yeah, well, you're not getting any hints from me. If you really want to know, though I doubt its imperative, you'll have to do your own investigation. First one to the right me wins five bucks. Careful, because I'm playing too.
Anyway, that was a damn good book.
Good song.
Thanks to Adrian, who recommended it.
The Scientist-Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Thanks to Adrian, who recommended it.
The Scientist-Coldplay
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
You suck. No, not you. You
A conversation in the car today:
Background: I went to go pick my sister up at school and I stood and waited for her at the corner. And then we go into the car.
Sister: I didn't see you.
Me: I was like the only one wearing red.
Sister: Yeah, but I thought you were someone's mom.
Me: (shocked) Someone's mom! (turn to my mother) Did you hear that? She said I look like someone's mom!
Mom: Did you say your sister looks like someone's mom?
Sister: (nonchalantly) She looked like someone's grandma.
A conversation in the car today:
Background: I went to go pick my sister up at school and I stood and waited for her at the corner. And then we go into the car.
Sister: I didn't see you.
Me: I was like the only one wearing red.
Sister: Yeah, but I thought you were someone's mom.
Me: (shocked) Someone's mom! (turn to my mother) Did you hear that? She said I look like someone's mom!
Mom: Did you say your sister looks like someone's mom?
Sister: (nonchalantly) She looked like someone's grandma.
5 Reasons KaZaA can kiss my ass:
(To be read as if kazaa were a real person)
1. You bitch, why won't you let me search for my favorite bands like Staring Back and Long Since Forgotten? And then when I do, it says "Search finished without any result." Do not lie to me, bitch. Do not. I know you have my songs.
2. You are so friggin slow. I'm thinking of killing you off my computer and sending your ass back to the stupid internet superhighway or whatever. Hit the road, bitch.
3. We were so happy together, you and I. I was so dependent on you and the songs you supplied me. We could have had something special! You done gone ruined it...bastard.
4. So many fucking pop-ups.
5. STupid. Stupid. Stupid.
As you can see, I am feeling some hostility towards Kazaa because it will not let me download my songs. Kazaa is stupid.
(To be read as if kazaa were a real person)
1. You bitch, why won't you let me search for my favorite bands like Staring Back and Long Since Forgotten? And then when I do, it says "Search finished without any result." Do not lie to me, bitch. Do not. I know you have my songs.
2. You are so friggin slow. I'm thinking of killing you off my computer and sending your ass back to the stupid internet superhighway or whatever. Hit the road, bitch.
3. We were so happy together, you and I. I was so dependent on you and the songs you supplied me. We could have had something special! You done gone ruined it...bastard.
4. So many fucking pop-ups.
5. STupid. Stupid. Stupid.
As you can see, I am feeling some hostility towards Kazaa because it will not let me download my songs. Kazaa is stupid.
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Some Sort of Meaning.
Here's an interesting and enlightening conversation I had with my cousin online tonight:
cousin: i've seen people that have ur face, but i had to pay admission
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: oh really, i thought you were part of the show..
cousin: ppl clap when they see you... but they clap their hands over their eyes
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: ppl clap when they see you...but they clap their asscracks, you pervert molester guy
cousin: lol
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: i'm putting this in my blog!
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: you suck!
[a few minutes later]
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: i hope you get zits
In other news...
Have you ever read a book, that was so good, that you both dreaded and anticipated the end of it...dreamt and pondered it? I'm on page 600-something in my book and I don't want it to end. Seriously dudes, this book=genius (minus some tedious and frankly, odd parts). I think maybe I want to write a novel. Call me crazy. I'm sure you've called me "Crazy" already, and probably added a "bastard" or "bitch" at the end. Who wants to be the Sam Clay to my Joe Kavalier? I need some ideas for a plot...interesting ones...to attach my words to....none of that romance-y Walk to Remember shit, because even though I kind of felt like crying (!) I don't want to write mushy shit. Real shit, folks. Real shit=good shit. Get it?
Here's an interesting and enlightening conversation I had with my cousin online tonight:
cousin: i've seen people that have ur face, but i had to pay admission
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: oh really, i thought you were part of the show..
cousin: ppl clap when they see you... but they clap their hands over their eyes
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: ppl clap when they see you...but they clap their asscracks, you pervert molester guy
cousin: lol
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: i'm putting this in my blog!
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: you suck!
[a few minutes later]
LyRiCaLLyiLL 1: i hope you get zits
In other news...
Have you ever read a book, that was so good, that you both dreaded and anticipated the end of it...dreamt and pondered it? I'm on page 600-something in my book and I don't want it to end. Seriously dudes, this book=genius (minus some tedious and frankly, odd parts). I think maybe I want to write a novel. Call me crazy. I'm sure you've called me "Crazy" already, and probably added a "bastard" or "bitch" at the end. Who wants to be the Sam Clay to my Joe Kavalier? I need some ideas for a plot...interesting ones...to attach my words to....none of that romance-y Walk to Remember shit, because even though I kind of felt like crying (!) I don't want to write mushy shit. Real shit, folks. Real shit=good shit. Get it?
Straighten out
Still sitting here on Veteran's Day, when its almost over. Still downloading punk rock songs. Still want to be punk rock. The title was inspired by this thing in a magazine that my sister bought and she ripped the page out. It is advertising those Frizz-Ease hair products, which probably work but create those shells on your head as well. I've been thinking about things. And doing a lot of reading that book. Its a good book. I like it.
The problem with me, as you will find out, is that I'm an idealist. I hate to fucking admit it, but I hate living in this moment and I can't help but looking forward. When I was nine, I couldn't wait till 12; when I was 12, I could wait till 16; now I'm 16 and I just want to get out of here. I fantasize about living in the city in a flat, alone. I want to be a professional, modern day woman, that wears suits and goes off and does medical research. Or maybe I want to be a writer and stay home all day. Or maybe a bartender, I have alcohol in my blood. I don't know, but whatever it is, I know it is more interesting than what is going on now. I know it is more interesting than US History or Calculus. I don't know.
Still sitting here on Veteran's Day, when its almost over. Still downloading punk rock songs. Still want to be punk rock. The title was inspired by this thing in a magazine that my sister bought and she ripped the page out. It is advertising those Frizz-Ease hair products, which probably work but create those shells on your head as well. I've been thinking about things. And doing a lot of reading that book. Its a good book. I like it.
The problem with me, as you will find out, is that I'm an idealist. I hate to fucking admit it, but I hate living in this moment and I can't help but looking forward. When I was nine, I couldn't wait till 12; when I was 12, I could wait till 16; now I'm 16 and I just want to get out of here. I fantasize about living in the city in a flat, alone. I want to be a professional, modern day woman, that wears suits and goes off and does medical research. Or maybe I want to be a writer and stay home all day. Or maybe a bartender, I have alcohol in my blood. I don't know, but whatever it is, I know it is more interesting than what is going on now. I know it is more interesting than US History or Calculus. I don't know.
Monday, November 11, 2002
I want to be punk rock, baby
Sitting here all Veteran's Day, downloading punk songs, I only have one thing to say: I want to be a fucking punk. My sister just gave me a "look," like I have rabies. Hmmm....that's really all I wanted to say. Tomorrow you will see me with a mohawk, a metal rod near my eye, fishnet stockings, and maybe a skirt (if you're lucky). I hope you were aware that that was a joke. Hahaha. I'm laughing. Are you?
Sitting here all Veteran's Day, downloading punk songs, I only have one thing to say: I want to be a fucking punk. My sister just gave me a "look," like I have rabies. Hmmm....that's really all I wanted to say. Tomorrow you will see me with a mohawk, a metal rod near my eye, fishnet stockings, and maybe a skirt (if you're lucky). I hope you were aware that that was a joke. Hahaha. I'm laughing. Are you?
Back
I'm back, I'm black, I'm not trying to feel jack.
So, after that, I really don't have much to write. That's my weekend. So when Gonzalez asks us how we spent our weekend, I don't know what I'll say. Fuck it, I don't say anything anyways. This is the shittiest 3-day weekend ever.
Recap of the Shittiest 3-day weekend ever:
1. wanted to kill myself
2. got in a fight
3. slept for 5 hours extra on sunday
4. it rained. bitch ass rain
5. didn't go nowhere
6. party on saturday, that was good though, except for when i went all nutso
7. sitting here on a monday afternoon in front of this goddamn computer writing in here
8. brokeass broke-ity broke
9. getting 100 more pages into my book...
10. the contents of which are getting more and more sad.
Does anyone know any good rock shit to download? I'm in need of some angry rock.
I'm back, I'm black, I'm not trying to feel jack.
So, after that, I really don't have much to write. That's my weekend. So when Gonzalez asks us how we spent our weekend, I don't know what I'll say. Fuck it, I don't say anything anyways. This is the shittiest 3-day weekend ever.
Recap of the Shittiest 3-day weekend ever:
1. wanted to kill myself
2. got in a fight
3. slept for 5 hours extra on sunday
4. it rained. bitch ass rain
5. didn't go nowhere
6. party on saturday, that was good though, except for when i went all nutso
7. sitting here on a monday afternoon in front of this goddamn computer writing in here
8. brokeass broke-ity broke
9. getting 100 more pages into my book...
10. the contents of which are getting more and more sad.
Does anyone know any good rock shit to download? I'm in need of some angry rock.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
I
As usual at our family parties, my father had to be the one to have his kids beg him to go home because he was drunk. As usual, he didn't come. As usual, I had to beg him. He didn't come when I drank a beer in front of him. I got tired and angry when he started yelling the same thing at me, "Go inside and get your mom." I yelled back, "That's what Christine is doing." But he kept yelling and I called him a "fuckin retard" and proceeded to use even more expletives and let myself feel like kicking the fuck out of him.
No matter how well he provides for us, and no matter how much my mom says that he's a good dad to us; he was the father he was supposed to be last night. My mom said that after I was born he would disappear for hours and not return until noon the next day. Then after she threatened to leave him he got his act together. I have a feeling that he never wanted children. He only wanted my mom and when she got pregnant it was like "Oh well." So when we were born he was only a father out of obligation. I don't think my father loves me. I think I ruined what they had.
My dad never says "I love you" unless you express suicidal tendencies, and I believe that this is only so because he feels that he wouldn't be a good father if he let you die. He never says "Thank you" when you say "God bless you" after he sneezes. He never hugs you unless you're leaving on a plane. He'll never be proud of you unless you're completely perfect. He only likes you for bragging rights in front of his family. My dad gives us what we want so he won't have to hear us whine. He, if drunk, won't go home if you beg him to. He won't drink at a party to drive his parents sober, but he won't do the same for his kids. He'll make the party his priority. He yells if you do something wrong. He yells.
I remember my dad yelling at me when I was a kid. I remember myself saying "I don't know" and him saying, "You don't know anything." I remember my dad calling me stupid. I remember my dad as being mean.
My mom never takes our side. Never. When we get in a fight with our cousins, its our fault. When we get in a fight with our aunts or uncles, its our fault. When we get in a fight with our dad, its our fault. Its just easier to blame your kids, I guess.
I did something horrible just now. It involves those suicidal tendencies, but no breaking of the skin in anyway. And now, my mom is not on my side and my dad won't tell me "I love you" because he doesn't. No one is home but me. Its my choice.
As usual at our family parties, my father had to be the one to have his kids beg him to go home because he was drunk. As usual, he didn't come. As usual, I had to beg him. He didn't come when I drank a beer in front of him. I got tired and angry when he started yelling the same thing at me, "Go inside and get your mom." I yelled back, "That's what Christine is doing." But he kept yelling and I called him a "fuckin retard" and proceeded to use even more expletives and let myself feel like kicking the fuck out of him.
No matter how well he provides for us, and no matter how much my mom says that he's a good dad to us; he was the father he was supposed to be last night. My mom said that after I was born he would disappear for hours and not return until noon the next day. Then after she threatened to leave him he got his act together. I have a feeling that he never wanted children. He only wanted my mom and when she got pregnant it was like "Oh well." So when we were born he was only a father out of obligation. I don't think my father loves me. I think I ruined what they had.
My dad never says "I love you" unless you express suicidal tendencies, and I believe that this is only so because he feels that he wouldn't be a good father if he let you die. He never says "Thank you" when you say "God bless you" after he sneezes. He never hugs you unless you're leaving on a plane. He'll never be proud of you unless you're completely perfect. He only likes you for bragging rights in front of his family. My dad gives us what we want so he won't have to hear us whine. He, if drunk, won't go home if you beg him to. He won't drink at a party to drive his parents sober, but he won't do the same for his kids. He'll make the party his priority. He yells if you do something wrong. He yells.
I remember my dad yelling at me when I was a kid. I remember myself saying "I don't know" and him saying, "You don't know anything." I remember my dad calling me stupid. I remember my dad as being mean.
My mom never takes our side. Never. When we get in a fight with our cousins, its our fault. When we get in a fight with our aunts or uncles, its our fault. When we get in a fight with our dad, its our fault. Its just easier to blame your kids, I guess.
I did something horrible just now. It involves those suicidal tendencies, but no breaking of the skin in anyway. And now, my mom is not on my side and my dad won't tell me "I love you" because he doesn't. No one is home but me. Its my choice.
Friday, November 08, 2002
Recap: Top Ten of the Week
the good, the bad, and the fuckin ugly
10. Getting in trouble in Gonzalez for sleeping
9. Not sleeping in any class after that
8. Getting to skip school at my mother's suggestion (oh yeah)
7. Getting some good gourmet pizza from Papa John's
6. Not being a little chickenshit anymore
5. Long Since Forgotten- they fuckin rock.
4. Staring Back- ditto.
3. Mateer in galoshes
2. Ugly sky= I get to be nostalgic.
1. Getting my license. I am now officially 16 and t-r-o-u-b-l-e hahahahaha
the good, the bad, and the fuckin ugly
10. Getting in trouble in Gonzalez for sleeping
9. Not sleeping in any class after that
8. Getting to skip school at my mother's suggestion (oh yeah)
7. Getting some good gourmet pizza from Papa John's
6. Not being a little chickenshit anymore
5. Long Since Forgotten- they fuckin rock.
4. Staring Back- ditto.
3. Mateer in galoshes
2. Ugly sky= I get to be nostalgic.
1. Getting my license. I am now officially 16 and t-r-o-u-b-l-e hahahahaha
Thursday, November 07, 2002
It's raining. It's pouring. The sky looks like shit.
Its the first time I've seen rain since the summer. I forgot how much I hated it. I very much preferred the rain and humid air; that way I could wear my flip flops again. Cheap old Old Navy flip flops. I can't tell you how many times I lost them in the rain. They were always left behind my steps causing me to leap forward bearfoot on the dirty cement. Then I'd take a shower when I got home. No one would be in the house despite the stormy weather. So I would stay home and read a book, or go the library to do homework.
Enough.
I was thinking of something today and it was so good and so worth writing about, but my mind is blank now. It was funny, something about the past. Something about my childhood with my cousins...I forgot damnit. It made me smile when I thought of it though. Must've looked like a retard smiling to myself. Sometimes I feel like a retard.
Stop.
Its raining. The sound of it is the saddest sound of the word. Rain is sad. I think snow may be happier. Living here, in stupid California, I wouldn't know much, except when my family goes to Reno in the winter and stops at a rest stop and tells us to play. Whatever. I wanted to get The Distillers CD, but I couldn't find it yesterday. Jeez...what a gloomy day.
Its the first time I've seen rain since the summer. I forgot how much I hated it. I very much preferred the rain and humid air; that way I could wear my flip flops again. Cheap old Old Navy flip flops. I can't tell you how many times I lost them in the rain. They were always left behind my steps causing me to leap forward bearfoot on the dirty cement. Then I'd take a shower when I got home. No one would be in the house despite the stormy weather. So I would stay home and read a book, or go the library to do homework.
Enough.
I was thinking of something today and it was so good and so worth writing about, but my mind is blank now. It was funny, something about the past. Something about my childhood with my cousins...I forgot damnit. It made me smile when I thought of it though. Must've looked like a retard smiling to myself. Sometimes I feel like a retard.
Stop.
Its raining. The sound of it is the saddest sound of the word. Rain is sad. I think snow may be happier. Living here, in stupid California, I wouldn't know much, except when my family goes to Reno in the winter and stops at a rest stop and tells us to play. Whatever. I wanted to get The Distillers CD, but I couldn't find it yesterday. Jeez...what a gloomy day.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
The Adventures of Fro-Girl: How I got my license...
We saw her clipboard before we even saw her. It peaked out, as she hid behind the wall. My heart nearly beat out of my chest. I thought there would have been more time.
My mother drove to the DMV. I could hear nervousness in her voice. I couldn't really discern if the nervousness was for me or for the fact that we were going to be late for my appointment. We weren't late, though. We got there 15 minutes early; 9:45 in the morning. I would have been in Chemistry if I were at school. So glad I wasn't.
Ms. Clipboard greeted us with a stern voice and an impermeable disposition. It's gonna be hard to chat with this one, I thought as I walked out of the car. I tried to smile at her, but she didn't notice. She wore a blue sweatshirt; one of those shirts that teachers wear with teddy bears on them. It was easy to imagine this woman as a yard-duty or something. She had a large frame, one of those 70's hairdos, and those sunglasses from the 80's. She was a character.
She introduced herself. Her voice was soft...but they kinda sounded like a man's voice when he tries to sound feminine...or maybe like my second grade teacher's voice. The sentences she had prepared for my listening pleasure were paused in the middle for her to breathe. I thought she was going to collapse in the car.
I drove smoothly and consciously the first few blocks. However, I must have seemed nervous because that is when she began to talk to me.
"So what courses are you..."--pause as she breathed--"taking in school?" She said it in such a way that it seemed like it was my aunt or something (but of course not; her being caucasian and me being filipino).
I tried to put on my talking-to-teacher/aunt/family aquaintence/doctor voice. "Uhm...AP Chemistry, Honors English, US History, Spanish 3...I'm only taking five classes," I explained, though I only named four, "since one of my classes is a block."
I wanted her to shut up. I wanted to concentrate on the damn road, but having her talk to me was too distracting.
"So you must want to go in the medical field, taking Chemistry."
I hesitated. Did I? Do I? "Actually, I want to go into Biomedical Research and Biochemistry, so..." I stopped at an intersection, "but, more than anything, I want to be writer. I've always like to write...so I really don't know."
She let out an "Oh." that seemed like she really didn't care.
To be continued when I'm not lazy...
We saw her clipboard before we even saw her. It peaked out, as she hid behind the wall. My heart nearly beat out of my chest. I thought there would have been more time.
My mother drove to the DMV. I could hear nervousness in her voice. I couldn't really discern if the nervousness was for me or for the fact that we were going to be late for my appointment. We weren't late, though. We got there 15 minutes early; 9:45 in the morning. I would have been in Chemistry if I were at school. So glad I wasn't.
Ms. Clipboard greeted us with a stern voice and an impermeable disposition. It's gonna be hard to chat with this one, I thought as I walked out of the car. I tried to smile at her, but she didn't notice. She wore a blue sweatshirt; one of those shirts that teachers wear with teddy bears on them. It was easy to imagine this woman as a yard-duty or something. She had a large frame, one of those 70's hairdos, and those sunglasses from the 80's. She was a character.
She introduced herself. Her voice was soft...but they kinda sounded like a man's voice when he tries to sound feminine...or maybe like my second grade teacher's voice. The sentences she had prepared for my listening pleasure were paused in the middle for her to breathe. I thought she was going to collapse in the car.
I drove smoothly and consciously the first few blocks. However, I must have seemed nervous because that is when she began to talk to me.
"So what courses are you..."--pause as she breathed--"taking in school?" She said it in such a way that it seemed like it was my aunt or something (but of course not; her being caucasian and me being filipino).
I tried to put on my talking-to-teacher/aunt/family aquaintence/doctor voice. "Uhm...AP Chemistry, Honors English, US History, Spanish 3...I'm only taking five classes," I explained, though I only named four, "since one of my classes is a block."
I wanted her to shut up. I wanted to concentrate on the damn road, but having her talk to me was too distracting.
"So you must want to go in the medical field, taking Chemistry."
I hesitated. Did I? Do I? "Actually, I want to go into Biomedical Research and Biochemistry, so..." I stopped at an intersection, "but, more than anything, I want to be writer. I've always like to write...so I really don't know."
She let out an "Oh." that seemed like she really didn't care.
To be continued when I'm not lazy...
A rap: Verse of Comedy (maybe, it all depends on you...)
All about me:
My name's Vanessa,
initials V-E-E
I'm sixteen--
tryin to be.
Ain't got no job (no money)
Don't smoke no trees (haha)
JUST GOT MY LICENSE (hell fuckin yeah!)
figuring out my ID (I-to-the-D)
wanna know what it all stands for--(yeah?)
who I'm supposed to be.(hell yeah.)
hate Seventh Heaven (fuckin losers)
because they can't fuckin see (damn straight)
the real shit about life (real shit)
but, i guess its just me. (oooh)
All about me:
My name's Vanessa,
initials V-E-E
I'm sixteen--
tryin to be.
Ain't got no job (no money)
Don't smoke no trees (haha)
JUST GOT MY LICENSE (hell fuckin yeah!)
figuring out my ID (I-to-the-D)
wanna know what it all stands for--(yeah?)
who I'm supposed to be.(hell yeah.)
hate Seventh Heaven (fuckin losers)
because they can't fuckin see (damn straight)
the real shit about life (real shit)
but, i guess its just me. (oooh)
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
The sun also rises, thank God.
Howdy ya'll. I'm in brighter spirits today, mainly because my past failures have inspired me to do well. I'm getting there...the top, or wherever I'm destined to be, just has to wait. I'm slow.
Things I noticed while watching MTV:
1. Why do they still play that Avril song "Skater Boi"? Hasn't it been played out enough?
2. It's Spankin New Week. Hooray, maybe they'll play some good stuff.
3. JEW is so rad.
4. They need to get more punk.
5. I hate Direct Effect. Its stupid. They play the same old songs everyday.
6. Dru Hill is back together? Yay! I hated that Sisqo solo thing. Dru Hill was like my favorite group back in the day when I wasn't so whitewash.
7. I also have to add: I still have some black in me ya'll. I have my DMX, Nas, Erykah Badu, The Roots<
9. The Vines/ Hives suck. suck suck suck.
10. Ooooh. Carson's back.
Howdy ya'll. I'm in brighter spirits today, mainly because my past failures have inspired me to do well. I'm getting there...the top, or wherever I'm destined to be, just has to wait. I'm slow.
Things I noticed while watching MTV:
1. Why do they still play that Avril song "Skater Boi"? Hasn't it been played out enough?
2. It's Spankin New Week. Hooray, maybe they'll play some good stuff.
3. JEW is so rad.
4. They need to get more punk.
5. I hate Direct Effect. Its stupid. They play the same old songs everyday.
6. Dru Hill is back together? Yay! I hated that Sisqo solo thing. Dru Hill was like my favorite group back in the day when I wasn't so whitewash.
7. I also have to add: I still have some black in me ya'll. I have my DMX, Nas, Erykah Badu, The Roots<
9. The Vines/ Hives suck. suck suck suck.
10. Ooooh. Carson's back.
Monday, November 04, 2002
Call me Schizophrenic Sue
Its just occurred to me how lonely that guitar collecting dust on my wall is. It looks so sad. It screams out, "Vanessa, play me!" My heart longs to strum the strings with reason and direction but I lack dedication and skill. "Oh, I wish I could," I whisper, ashamed at my inability, "but I don't know how." I see the guitar get angry and furious as I continue to sit there, embarrassed. "I'll learn, I promise," I plead. No words can calm this instrument down. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY ME?" Good question, I think. Well, I bought it for three reasons. 1)It looked cool. 2)I like rock music. 3)I like to write, so why not write SONGS! But this is not Sesame Street. You can't just buy an innocent instrument in need of a home without valid reason and expect a celebrity to make a cameo and give you some tips. Carlos Santana isn't coming to my house tonight. I know that. So I swear to my forlorn, lonely instrument, I will learn how to play it! I will learn how to play it well! I will start a punk band and rock it out! I promise.
Its just occurred to me how lonely that guitar collecting dust on my wall is. It looks so sad. It screams out, "Vanessa, play me!" My heart longs to strum the strings with reason and direction but I lack dedication and skill. "Oh, I wish I could," I whisper, ashamed at my inability, "but I don't know how." I see the guitar get angry and furious as I continue to sit there, embarrassed. "I'll learn, I promise," I plead. No words can calm this instrument down. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY ME?" Good question, I think. Well, I bought it for three reasons. 1)It looked cool. 2)I like rock music. 3)I like to write, so why not write SONGS! But this is not Sesame Street. You can't just buy an innocent instrument in need of a home without valid reason and expect a celebrity to make a cameo and give you some tips. Carlos Santana isn't coming to my house tonight. I know that. So I swear to my forlorn, lonely instrument, I will learn how to play it! I will learn how to play it well! I will start a punk band and rock it out! I promise.
I hate to quote DMX, but...
...It's dark and hell is hot. That's where I am. This is what one gets for attacking a religious show. Damn society...
I feel so bad. I feel like I've been a horrible person lately. I've even being a bad web-host because I'm not being witty as the title of the blog says I should be. This is false advertising. Oh man, I've become "my own worst enemy" (hate to quote a Lit song). I'm falling behind; is this my downfall (trustcompany)? Do I really hate myself? I can't write anymore, back in the day that used to be all that mattered to me. I used to write aimlessly; creating characters and scenes that made me feel better everytime I read back at them. Those days are long gone. I'm starting to realize now; everything I've ever done has been a failure. I fear it will continue to be that way.
I feel like just talking to someone. Why is it that when you feel like talking to someone no one is around or no one has the time or patience? It feels like that more often than not. Alas, all this damsel in distress can do is write "letters to you" (Finch). I don't know who reads this. I know Mickey does, and my cousin, and Alex, and Maureen, and I do, of course...but who else? Make yourselves known to me. I hate to complain because your ears don't deserve to bleed from my words. I don't know, I guess I'm just "sick of it all" (The Distillers). I need to find "some sort of meaning" (Long Since Forgotten). This life is rendering it "harder to breathe" (Maroon 5) everyday. Check out all these bands that I mentioned because the rock the casbah (beastie Boys?). There's my wit for now; a tacky list of rock bands (except for DMX) and complains of life. I wish I had more to offer, but I've always come so short of success.
Lo siento mucho. Soy muy triste. No quiero vivir. Quiero caerme. No se porque. Lo siento. Lo siento. Lo siento.
No, Alex, I do not down any Ny-Quil, nor will I ever...unless I have a stuffy nose. I know better than to die shamefully as OD'ing on Cold medicine.
...It's dark and hell is hot. That's where I am. This is what one gets for attacking a religious show. Damn society...
I feel so bad. I feel like I've been a horrible person lately. I've even being a bad web-host because I'm not being witty as the title of the blog says I should be. This is false advertising. Oh man, I've become "my own worst enemy" (hate to quote a Lit song). I'm falling behind; is this my downfall (trustcompany)? Do I really hate myself? I can't write anymore, back in the day that used to be all that mattered to me. I used to write aimlessly; creating characters and scenes that made me feel better everytime I read back at them. Those days are long gone. I'm starting to realize now; everything I've ever done has been a failure. I fear it will continue to be that way.
I feel like just talking to someone. Why is it that when you feel like talking to someone no one is around or no one has the time or patience? It feels like that more often than not. Alas, all this damsel in distress can do is write "letters to you" (Finch). I don't know who reads this. I know Mickey does, and my cousin, and Alex, and Maureen, and I do, of course...but who else? Make yourselves known to me. I hate to complain because your ears don't deserve to bleed from my words. I don't know, I guess I'm just "sick of it all" (The Distillers). I need to find "some sort of meaning" (Long Since Forgotten). This life is rendering it "harder to breathe" (Maroon 5) everyday. Check out all these bands that I mentioned because the rock the casbah (beastie Boys?). There's my wit for now; a tacky list of rock bands (except for DMX) and complains of life. I wish I had more to offer, but I've always come so short of success.
Lo siento mucho. Soy muy triste. No quiero vivir. Quiero caerme. No se porque. Lo siento. Lo siento. Lo siento.
No, Alex, I do not down any Ny-Quil, nor will I ever...unless I have a stuffy nose. I know better than to die shamefully as OD'ing on Cold medicine.
Sunday, November 03, 2002
I'm so sorry
Did I write what I think I wrote last night? A confession? I'm sorry. I guess I'm so diluted I mistook you for a holy vessel, capable of advising me and granting me salvation. Seventh Heaven: you have rot my brain.
I can't help writing about booger-picking drivers. Its the most amusing thing. I just want to roll down my window, smile, and say, "Hey, you, Mr/Mrs. Booger-picker, I can see you!" Well, if they want to pick it, more power to them, but that's kinda nasty. Where do you put the boogers? Do you roll down the window and flick them at passing traffic? HAHAHA! A PEDESTRIAN! How valiant! To put your honor the line to pick the itch in your nose! I salute you! Pick them with pride. I warn you though, dare you flick your booger at me, I will break your fingers so that you will regret even having a nose for the boogers. Well...there's that damn hostility again.
Going to take the driver's test again on Wednesday. Wish me some luck.
Did I write what I think I wrote last night? A confession? I'm sorry. I guess I'm so diluted I mistook you for a holy vessel, capable of advising me and granting me salvation. Seventh Heaven: you have rot my brain.
I can't help writing about booger-picking drivers. Its the most amusing thing. I just want to roll down my window, smile, and say, "Hey, you, Mr/Mrs. Booger-picker, I can see you!" Well, if they want to pick it, more power to them, but that's kinda nasty. Where do you put the boogers? Do you roll down the window and flick them at passing traffic? HAHAHA! A PEDESTRIAN! How valiant! To put your honor the line to pick the itch in your nose! I salute you! Pick them with pride. I warn you though, dare you flick your booger at me, I will break your fingers so that you will regret even having a nose for the boogers. Well...there's that damn hostility again.
Going to take the driver's test again on Wednesday. Wish me some luck.
Saturday, November 02, 2002
I'm the Comeback Kid
This is the third blog of the day? Well, you know I wouldn't write unless I really had something to say...or dying of boredom...which i am...anyways...I saw The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys and its pretty damn good. Its more of a drama than a comedy though, i must warn you of that. I must also admit that Kieran Culkin is a far-better actor than older bro Macauley (and he has a better name).
I also found out about this really rad band Long Since Forgotten via Punkbands.com's Review section. They rock. I really admire their stuff. I'm so easy to please.
I don't know what to do. This boredom is getting to me. I need to do something because when you leave me alone, I think. When I think, I friggin think. This is not your usual thinking, kids. This is "What am I doing with my life?", "Does God hate me? What did I do?", "Oh yeah, I remember now.", "Why the hell do I like -----------?", "Where am I going?", "I don't want to live anymore." You know, that type of horse feces. There's no use in telling you, seeing as that you can't save me from my thoughts. I just don't know what to do. What should I do? I do this everyday. There's always a minute that escapes me, or an hour, some time everyday is devoted to this subtle attack on myself. Why am I writing all this down? Probably because all three people who read this site won't do anything. No one will tell me anything. No one ever does. I'm tired of it just being the piece of paper and me. Damn those journals. I want someone to read my stuff, as does any writer out there. Dare I even call myself a writer. I'm no writer. I'll never be a writer, will I? Only in my head. I'll probably even delete this momentary lapse of weakness. Weakness. Funny word. Since I was a child I associated the letter "W" with weakness. Weird. There it is again. I'm Witty. There it goes again. Why? There it goes again. And so on...
Hope you enjoyed this tour of my brain. Have a good night.
This is the third blog of the day? Well, you know I wouldn't write unless I really had something to say...or dying of boredom...which i am...anyways...I saw The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys and its pretty damn good. Its more of a drama than a comedy though, i must warn you of that. I must also admit that Kieran Culkin is a far-better actor than older bro Macauley (and he has a better name).
I also found out about this really rad band Long Since Forgotten via Punkbands.com's Review section. They rock. I really admire their stuff. I'm so easy to please.
I don't know what to do. This boredom is getting to me. I need to do something because when you leave me alone, I think. When I think, I friggin think. This is not your usual thinking, kids. This is "What am I doing with my life?", "Does God hate me? What did I do?", "Oh yeah, I remember now.", "Why the hell do I like -----------?", "Where am I going?", "I don't want to live anymore." You know, that type of horse feces. There's no use in telling you, seeing as that you can't save me from my thoughts. I just don't know what to do. What should I do? I do this everyday. There's always a minute that escapes me, or an hour, some time everyday is devoted to this subtle attack on myself. Why am I writing all this down? Probably because all three people who read this site won't do anything. No one will tell me anything. No one ever does. I'm tired of it just being the piece of paper and me. Damn those journals. I want someone to read my stuff, as does any writer out there. Dare I even call myself a writer. I'm no writer. I'll never be a writer, will I? Only in my head. I'll probably even delete this momentary lapse of weakness. Weakness. Funny word. Since I was a child I associated the letter "W" with weakness. Weird. There it is again. I'm Witty. There it goes again. Why? There it goes again. And so on...
Hope you enjoyed this tour of my brain. Have a good night.
What the fuck?
So I logged on just now and noticed that half of my fucking blogs are italicized. What the fuck?
I was out driving with my pop and I realize I can't change lanes. What the fuck?
I can't help eating chocolate all of a sudden. What the fuck?
It's cold. What the FUCK?
My computer is slow. What the fuck?
Almost mid-terms. WHAT the fuck?
Failing Calculus. What the fuck?
I'm now down to $25 in my pocket. WHAT THE FUCK.
Don't even try to tell me I'm not fucking poetic, because I wrote this shit sober. I deserve a fuckin award. Do I sound hostile?
So I logged on just now and noticed that half of my fucking blogs are italicized. What the fuck?
I was out driving with my pop and I realize I can't change lanes. What the fuck?
I can't help eating chocolate all of a sudden. What the fuck?
It's cold. What the FUCK?
My computer is slow. What the fuck?
Almost mid-terms. WHAT the fuck?
Failing Calculus. What the fuck?
I'm now down to $25 in my pocket. WHAT THE FUCK.
Don't even try to tell me I'm not fucking poetic, because I wrote this shit sober. I deserve a fuckin award. Do I sound hostile?
Ten things that should be said to a girl at some point in her life...(inspired by my sappy cousin and his love situation)
10. "You are beautiful."- this is essential..especially if you are a gentleman. Dudes, if you don't think this is important, you are fools.
9. "Don't leave..."- call it some sort of complex. I don't know...it sounds nice.
8. "As you wish."- Yes, quote The Princess Bride.
7. "The rain has stopped."- Can you picture this? Sitting in front of the window on a dark winter day. The sound of the rain obliterated in the air. You are left standing; everything remains with the smell of the air. Rain is rad. Unless you're wearing flip-flops in the rain...especially if they're those cheap Old Navy ones...
6. "You look sexy."- Okay, we've covered that lovely shit with the "You look beautiful" thing, here's the other part. There isn't a need to explain or discuss with this one.
5. "Let's discuss some books."- hahahaha that's a personal one.
4. "I hate Immanuel Kant."- Oops, another personal one ::giggle::
3. "We don't need the world."- I've never heard that one said, I just thought of it right now as I remembered The Fountainhead. They surpassed the world. That's a romantic notion, right? Oh wait, I think I remember..its in a Hippos song "Forget the World"
2. "Let's grow old together."- this implies marriage or long-term committment. Who dreams of such things? You friggin lunatics.
1. "I love you."
Five things that should not be said to a lady...
5. "Girl, you have 'stache like Hitler."- Sure try it if you want your ass kicked by her dad.
hmm...can't think of anymore...you got some? post em on the comments board.
10. "You are beautiful."- this is essential..especially if you are a gentleman. Dudes, if you don't think this is important, you are fools.
9. "Don't leave..."- call it some sort of complex. I don't know...it sounds nice.
8. "As you wish."- Yes, quote The Princess Bride.
7. "The rain has stopped."- Can you picture this? Sitting in front of the window on a dark winter day. The sound of the rain obliterated in the air. You are left standing; everything remains with the smell of the air. Rain is rad. Unless you're wearing flip-flops in the rain...especially if they're those cheap Old Navy ones...
6. "You look sexy."- Okay, we've covered that lovely shit with the "You look beautiful" thing, here's the other part. There isn't a need to explain or discuss with this one.
5. "Let's discuss some books."- hahahaha that's a personal one.
4. "I hate Immanuel Kant."- Oops, another personal one ::giggle::
3. "We don't need the world."- I've never heard that one said, I just thought of it right now as I remembered The Fountainhead. They surpassed the world. That's a romantic notion, right? Oh wait, I think I remember..its in a Hippos song "Forget the World"
2. "Let's grow old together."- this implies marriage or long-term committment. Who dreams of such things? You friggin lunatics.
1. "I love you."
Five things that should not be said to a lady...
5. "Girl, you have 'stache like Hitler."- Sure try it if you want your ass kicked by her dad.
hmm...can't think of anymore...you got some? post em on the comments board.