i've been a real ass lately, as if there aren't enough in this world. i'm adding to the problem. i'm being who i always hated.

saw sweet home alabama. nice movie. great for the short folk (kids. no, i was not making fun of little people). but for people like me...don't you ever fucking show me that shit if you don't want to end up in a body cast. don't let sad people watch happy movies or else the next time you'll see them is in the newspaper in the obituary section. you're just showing them what they'll never be. and that's the bug that's been up my ass for a week. or maybe its been up there for the past few months. i remember when i came back from the summer, i was so eager. i wanted to come back to my friends and see what was up. and then something happened. school defeats me. and i suck at handling rejection and failure. so i think my way of coping it is the usual, self-destructive, dumbass way. i alienate myself. i don't do anything. i slack off. i download stupid songs. yeah, and i sound so pathetic. there should be a term for this type of behavior. hmm...how about vanessaquistic. sounds nice, eh? good enough. so i'll try to take the bug out of my ass as long as you tell me this is normal.